Being mindful of those of us who are not mothers on Mother's Day

After sitting in my office a year ago, tears streaming and trying to muffle my uncontrollable sobs, I began thinking - what permission do other people feel that they have to invade the deepest part of my heart and reveal my pain to the world. I know that this well meaning lady meant no harm and even felt that she was providing hope for my childless state of being.
She happened to be a foster care worker for DSS. We were placing a child on her caseload into services. My job is to gather all the background and history information, including horrible stories of abuse. As we talked about how some of the children that enter our lives have been through the unspeakable, she asked if I had children.
There it was, the question that I despise hearing after 11 years of praying everyday for a child. I answered with my usual "one day I hope to have a house full". Sometimes the blanket answer suffices the curiosity of others. But there are those who prod a little more. Her next question was to ask how long I had been married. After telling her that I just celebrated 11 wonderful years with my husband she proceeded to ask what the hold up was. I gave a very short "just not God's timing", praying that the line of questioning would end there. It however did not. She then began her interrogation. "Is there something wrong? Are you waiting on purpose?"
Of course, being caught off guard by the line of questioning, I struggled to find answers.
I know I should have told her that I didn't feel comfortable discussing it, but I had the deer in the headlight reaction. I was stuck. I didn't know what to do.
For whatever reason I shared with her that I had some health challenges that has made having children difficult. She then proceeded to tell me that she could sense God working in my life and that maybe my husband and I were meant to be foster or adoptive parents. She gave me the "every child has a purpose" speech and told me that she would be praying for me. Then she left.
So there I was, a blubbering idiot. Sadly this was my first appointment of the day and I had to find the strength to keep it together to make it through the rest of my appointments. I have no idea what the remainder of my day consisted of. I was in a fog. I felt that my heart would lodge in my throat and suffocate me. I half wished it would.
I realized that people, however well meaning they may be, have no idea how difficult it is to walk everyday with your head held high knowing that you may never have children. Knowing that the one thing as a woman you desire more than anything is a child. People do not understand the battle a childless woman wages in her own mind and heart. The questions. The doubt. The fear. The pain. Asking yourself what you have done wrong to not be blessed with a child. Fighting the thought that God knows you would be a horrible parent so he is protecting you. Feeling that you are being punished somehow for not being good enough.
It is very difficult in my line of work to hear day in and day out stories of children who are mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually abused and not wonder why God would give children to those parents and not you.
But "I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day."(2 Timothy 1:12)
I cling to Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. I purpose everyday to "Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways I acknowledge him and he will direct my paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6)
If you are reading this and you are guilty of asking some of the same questions the well meaning lady asked me, don't feel bad. Don't feel that you have to apologize or make amends. Just be informed for future purposes.
All of us childless women (couples) know that God has a purpose and timing for every child to be born. We know that miracles happen everyday. And yes we know that there are people that tried this doctor and this medication and got pregnant right away. We know to stop worrying and just let nature take it's course. We know that you have to eat a certain way or take certain vitamins. Believe me, we know! We could probably teach a class on it all! Don't tell us at our cousins baby shower (who is having their 3rd child) that it will happen to us one day. And by all means, please don't pat our shoulder or give us the sad "poor thing" look when on mother's day all the mother's are asked to stand and we quietly sit there wishing to melt into the pew.
Just love us, pray for us privately and hug us when we look like we have had a bad day. I promise if we need to talk, we will.
So how's that for transparency?! lol